


Hearts Collide

by SoulNarrative



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 08:23:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: None - Warning
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3127745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulNarrative/pseuds/SoulNarrative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only love better than today's love is yesterday's love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 8590  
> Published: 08/04/2009 Updated: 08/09/2009

_HEARTS COLLIDE_

 

_Love conquers every time when two hearts come to collide..._   
_When triumph bleeds into bliss, and I knew it from the first kiss._   
_Tonight, hearts collide._

_-Billie Joe Armstrong/Green Day_

 

Davey buried his face in the pillow and inhaled Nils’ scent. He sighed as memories of the last night’s love-making arose. It was always like that when this time came. Tender and savage at turns, the sex was consuming, as if they could wrest enough to tide them over until the next time.

Next time - not a topic to contemplate. They’d learned to avoid those hopeless, circular discussions. The fact was they couldn’t live with each other and they couldn’t live without. They couldn’t explain it. Perhaps it was just bad timing. When one was ready to commit, the other wasn’t.

At first, Davey blamed his age until he realized Nils blamed his own youth. They’d gone crazy trying to force the relationship into something predictable, acceptable, definable. It hadn’t worked. Like magnets, they drew and repelled each other.

Davey listened to the hiss of the shower abruptly stop and knew he had to get up before that awkward moment occurred when Nils came back into the bedroom and found him still in bed, naked and so very available. He knew the drill and was resolved to stick to it.

He rolled out of bed and quickly slipped on the pants he’d just as quickly stripped off the night before. He gave his hair a harsh brushing and thought, ‘This style is like permanent bedhead.’ He didn’t bother to fight it. The door opened and he heard Nils give a low chuckle.

“If I wasn’t awake, I am now!” He gestured at the neon pink stretch pants hugging Davey from the hips down. Davey laughed in appreciation and leaned in to give him a peck on the lips. “I’ll get your coffee, baby.”

Nils shook his head in appreciation at the sight of Davey’s sinuous winged back and toned gluts retreating into the kitchen. Again he was tempted to stay but knew it would go on too long, the bickering would begin and spoil it all.

Before they knew it, their quiet breakfast was over and Nils was hurrying to the door, as if he had an important appointment to keep. In their farewell, they weren’t afraid to say, “I love you.” They knew it wouldn’t change anything, one way or another. It was both saddening and reassuring.

Davey pulled on a tee and walked Nils to his car. He leaned in the window and they shared a sweet, brief kiss. Then he stood on the sidewalk and watched until the car disappeared from view. The artificial smile he’d worn quickly faded as he went inside and shut the door on a beautiful East Bay morning.

He puttered around the kitchen and picked up Nils' cup to wash it. Before he knew what he was doing, he lifted it to his lips and ran the tip of his tongue around the rim.

Exasperated, he set it down on the counter harder than he'd meant.‘Honestly, David, you are pathetic. It‘s not as if you‘ll never see him again,’ he chided himself. He wandered into the living room and sat down at his laptop. He clicked through random sites.

There was a knock on the door and he sprang up. Nils must’ve forgotten something, or perhaps he’d changed his mind and wanted to stay longer. He couldn’t help grinning as he flung open the door. His face fell when he saw it wasn’t Nils at all.

The man standing on the porch was closer to his own age and smaller then Nils. His figure was undistinguished with narrow shoulders. At 5’7,” he seemed almost petite. But he had the same shaggy, black hair although it was tousled instead of pencil-straight. It fell over his eyes a bit.

Those eyes. As round and large as Nils but green instead of sapphire blue. They weren’t hazel, they were truly green. For anyone to have such pure green eyes is highly unusual and they’d always mesmerized Davey. Today they were lined with a fine line of black which set them off all the more against the pale skin.

The heart-shaped face, the “bee-stung” mouth, the pert nose weren’t Nils. But they belonged to someone he’d loved even more long ago. It was Billie Joe Armstrong.

“Disappointed, huh? I saw Nils pull away when I got near the house. Did you think he’d come back?” The question was offered in a tone of friendly curiosity.

Davey quickly recovered and focused on his unexpected visitor. “Disappointed? No way. Come here, man.” He wrapped him in a warm hug. “Come inside,” Davey kept an arm around Billie Joe’s shoulders as he led him into the bright kitchen. Davey waved the coffee pot in Billie Joe’s direction.

“Yeah, thanks, I need that,” Billie Joe replied as he settled down at the small table and finished off the bottle of water he‘d brought along. Davey slid a mug towards him and slipped into the chair opposite, with tea in hand.

“What are you looking at?” Davey asked with suspicion. Billie Joe was smirking at him.

“Your lip, there around the ring. Looks swollen. It didn’t hurt, I hope.”

Davey felt the blush creep up his neck. He had a bad habit of biting hard on his labret when he was having an orgasm.

“No, not exactly, but thank you for your concern,” he answered with equal sarcasm before changing the subject.

“Feels like forever since I‘ve seen you…” Davey began.

“Yeah, forever…But I was riding around on my bike and I found myself on your street. You know The Chelsea is only a mile from here?”

“Who lives at The Chelsea?” Davey asked with mild curiosity.

Billie Joe looked incredulous. “What do you mean? I do. You know that, right?”

Davey shook his head in bewilderment. “What do you mean? I know where you live and it's not The Chelsea. The four of you would be rather cramped in one of those little apartments.” Davey was smiling in anticipation of some joke.

He was shocked when Billie Joe’s eyes misted with tears. What the hell had happened? Davey suddenly felt queasy and was afraid to ask.

“You must live in your own little love cocoon when Nils is here,” Billie commented wryly. “I thought you’d have to be on the Moon to not have heard.”

“Bill, I’m sorry. Please tell me what you’re talking about. What’s wrong?” Davey laid his hand gently on Billie Joes’s arm.

“We finally gave up. Adey and the boys are in Minnesota.”

Davey just stared and blinked. He knew their marriage had its challenges and probably no marriage had outlasted a rocker’s career but if anyone could make it, it would be Adrienne and Billie Joe. And those boys…Billie Joe lived for Joey and Jakob. This would kill him.

“But they’ll be back?” Davey was shocked and ashamed by the glimmer of hope that Billie Joe might say no. Where in the world had that reaction come from?

“Oh yeah. It’s just for the summer to visit her family. Then they’ll be back here to start school. But I won’t be moving back into the house with them.”

Davey still couldn’t believe it. “How can you be sure? You’ve pulled through bad times before.”

Billie Joe exhaled and looked away. “You know I was always honest with her. That was her bottom line.  
And I always was until…” His voice trailed off.

Davey knew well the temptations of the road but there was no way Billie Joe would’ve risked his family for a piece of tail. The idea was abhorrent and Davey stood, barely masking his disgust.

“If you’re telling me that you fucked some little bitch…” Davey’s voice rose in annoyance. He was deeply fond of Adey although he could certainly leave the boys aside.

Billie Joe sat silent waiting for Davey’s tongue-lashing. Davey waited for a denial,an explanation,anything.

Finally, so quietly Davey had to strain to hear, Billie Joe said, “It wasn’t like that. I loved him. When I saw you lean in the car window and kiss Nils goodbye, it made my chest hurt. Now I’ve lost everything: him, my family, everything.”

Davey slowly sank down, unable to speak. Finally, he stammered, “I…I don’t understand. What are you saying?”

“I tried as hard as I could - and so did he - but we couldn’t stop it. The feelings were just so strong. The guilt was killing me. The lying was killing me. Like I said, I promised her honesty. She knew I wasn’t 100% straight when she married me and she didn’t mind me even making out with a guy if I’d had too much to drink or something. But this was way beyond the line.”

“Look, it’s not my business…but how far did it go…physically, I mean?”

Billie Joe suddenly looked Davey in the eye. “We made love every time we were together. It was incredible.”

Davey looked away, surprised and embarrassed by Billie Joe’s vehemence. “Oh…” was all he could say.

After a long silence Davey asked, “So how did she finally find out?” He tried not to envision Adrienne’s painful discovery.

“Maybe I was too much of a coward to tell her and I left the evidence without thinking about it. You know that song on the new record, Last Night On Earth? I wrote his name - John - on the final draft of the lyrics. She saw it and she just knew.”

Davey knew the song. It seemed completely out of place - a simple ballad amidst all the other fast and furious tracks. He remembered the lines. He’d wondered what had inspired them. Intuition had told him it wasn’t Billie Joe’s wife.

_I text a postcard, sent to you_   
_Did it go through?_   
_Sending all my love to you._   
_You are the moonlight of my life every night_   
_Giving all my love to you_   
_My beating heart belongs to you_   
_I walked for miles 'til I found you_   
_I'm here to honor you_   
_If I lose everything in the fire_   
_I'm sending all my love to you._

_With every breath that I am worth_   
_Here on Earth_   
_I'm sending all my love to you._   
_So if you dare to second guess_   
_You can rest assured_   
_That all my love's for you…_

“That’s an intense song...So where do things stand now with him? Why did you say you‘d lost him?”

Billie Joe stood and went to the sink to wash his mug. He aimlessly watched the soap swirl around inside it. He continued to look down as he explained.

“He’s home in London - playwright, successful. We met online because I was interested in this theater project he was doing. You know we were looking for people for the American Idiot musical we’d been approached about? Then he came to San Francisco to collaborate on something else, rented an apartment and all. He was here for only four months - but I was in love with him after about four minutes.”

Billie Joe gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Kind of pathetically romantic for a punk rocker, isn’t it?”

“I can’t say I haven’t done it. But why are you so sure it’s over?” Davey asked as tactfully as he could.

Billie Joe sighed and shrugged his shoulders in defeat. “He couldn’t take being the ‘other woman,’ ‘home-wrecker,’ etc. He didn’t believe it could work with all that baggage. He didn’t want to hurt anyone. Except himself…and me, I guess.”

Davey thought John wouldn’t have given up so easily if he’d felt as deeply as he said but he didn’t say so. He went to Billie Joe and put his arm lightly around his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I’ll do whatever I can to help. You know that.”

He didn‘t know why but he was reluctant to accept the end of Billie Joe’s marriage except that it had served to keep a comfortable distance between them for so many years. Still, Davey reflected, everything had worked out for the best, hadn‘t it?

‘After all, I have Nils (well, most of the time) and Billie Joe can enjoy being the great dad he didn’t get to have himself.’

It had been another unspoken bond between them. Billie Joe had lost his father when he was only ten.  
He’d watched him die a painful, protracted death but he was left with his father’s considerable musical talent.

Davey became fatherless at the age of four. He had no memories of him. When his mother remarried, Paul had adopted him, given him his name and held Davey close to his heart ever since.

Still, there were times when Davey hung between sleep and waking and sensed a void that threatened to swallow him whole. He knew it was about the mystery of the man who’d left him behind. He knew Billie Joe had felt it, too.

Fathering Joey and Jakob was part of filling that void and Davey thought it his duty to encourage Billie Joe to hold on to something so important.

“Bill, I wouldn’t give up hope on Adrienne. She’s not just your wife, she’s your best friend. Give her time and she‘ll come around.”

“She still is my best friend. We’ll always be a family with the kids. But it can’t go back to what it was. I don’t want it to.”

Davey stiffened. He was afraid he knew what Billie Joe was going to say and he pulled away slightly.

Billie Joe turned to face Davey and stepped closer. “When I said I’d lost everything, that wasn’t really true. I found something, too. I found out I want what I had with John. I want to be with a man.”

Davey realized he was listening so intently he was holding his breath. He released it in laughter when Billie Joe added, “Or maybe I should say men…hell, why stop at one?”

They fell silent as they relaxed in each other‘s company for a moment. Billie Joe continued to smile at Davey and whispered, “I’ll start with you.” Before Davey knew what was happening, he was being held tightly and kissed hard. He came to his senses and pushed Billie Joe away.

Hurt and angry beyond words, Davey turned on his heel and hissed, “See yourself out.” Billie Joe heard keys being grabbed and the front door slam. He listened to tires squeal as Davey raced away. He leaned back against the counter and rubbed his temples. “Fuck, I am such an idiot.”

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=7871>


	2. Chapter 2

Nils saw Davey’s picture pop up on his cell. He debated whether to answer. After all, there was the three day rule. They’d agreed not to contact each other for three days after being together for more than a week as a way to “cool down” the relationship. They’d been working on this for over a year and knew to have no boundaries didn’t work.

Maybe it was important. Why else would Davey call? He answered just as Davey hung up. Now what should he do? Nils called him back.

“Yo, what’s up, Dave?” His voice was warm despite the frivolous tone.

“Oh! Sorry. Called you by mistake. I know the rules, love.”

“Are you sure? You sound a little weird.”

Davey hesitated. He wanted to tell him what had happened with Billie Joe and be reassured they were as strong as ever. He knew he shouldn’t and he didn’t. He convinced Nils that it had indeed been an accident.

“Okay, but call me in three days?” Nils wanted to be sure Davey knew he wasn’t upset with him.

“Of course I will. ‘Til then…ciao, baby.”

Nils interrupted the farewell. “Hey! I think this was a Freudian slip on your part.”

Davey could hear the smile in Nils’ voice and he smiled in return. “No doubt…bye now.”

Nils shut his phone, still smiling. He felt warm inside just hearing Davey’s voice. He leaned back into the sofa and closed his eyes. He remembered the last time they’d greeted each other after a “breather.” In their case, absence did make the heart grow fonder.

Davey couldn’t keep the grin off his face when he opened the door and grabbed Nils by the wrist, pulling him inside. Nils dropped his bag and let himself be taken into Davey’s crushing embrace. He giggled a little and Davey covered his mouth with his own. It took his breath away.

He’d grasped Davey’s face between his hands and stopped him from breaking the kiss. Davey had started it and he wasn’t going to let him stop now. He kissed him fiercely and pressed against him. He knew immediately they were both into it.

Nils pushed up under Davey’s tee and ran his hands up and down his sides, his chest and encircled his waist. They came to rest beneath the small of his back and shoved inside the low rise of his pants in search of the cleft there.

Davey wrapped his arms around Nils’ shoulders and pressed against him full length. Nils pulled his hands out and cupped Davey’s cheeks through the fabric of his stretchpants. He tightened his hold and ground his hips into Davey‘s. He pulled his mouth away and kissed Davey’s throat. Being taller, it bent his head back at an almost painful angle.

Nils suddenly stopped and pulled Davey’s top over his head. Breathlessly he whispered, “Come on,” and pulled him to the sofabed at the end of the room. When they reached it, he pushed him back on it.

He was a little rougher than he’d meant to be and Davey chuckled as he sat up and stripped off Nils’ shirt and unbuttoned his pants. He smiled as he slid his arms around Nils’ neck and pulled him down on top of him just as roughly. Then he surprised him by rolling them over and trapping his wrists near his head. Davey leaned down and kissed him longingly.

Nils arched his body up although Davey still held down his wrists. They moved against each other’s thighs until their pants were uncomfortably confining. Davey stood to strip his off but when he turned back to the bed Nils was sitting naked on the edge. He held Davey in place by his hips while he smiled slyly up at him, his deep blue eyes glinting with mischief.

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” he said as he wrapped one hand around Davey’s erection while pushing against his toned abdomen with the other hand. The pulling sensation made Davey close his eyes and bite his lip in anticipation.

“You look silly with your arms hanging like that…Put your hands on your head.”

“What??”

“Just do it.”

Davey laughed and did what Nils said.

“Haha! This is a stick-up!” Nils giggled.

“Wrong. I’ve got the gun.” Davey dead-panned.

“You'll be out of ammo when I'm done with you," Nils snickered and gave Davey’s cock several long licks. He swirled his tongue around the head and swiped the piercing hoop. Davey moaned.

Nils kept one hand at the base of Davey’s cock and slid the other over the round rise of his ass. His fingers crept down to the soft spot under his balls, just below his hole and pressed steadily before beginning to rub it.

Davey parted his legs in response and Nils took the invitation to massage the hot pucker a little further back. Continuing the massage there, he returned his focus to pleasuring Davey’s cock. He gave the piercing ring a light tug with his teeth and heard Davey hiss. Now he had his full attention.

It was always a challenge to take all of his girth in his mouth. Nils relaxed his jaw as much as possible and slowly worked Davey’s cock in.

Nils slid his mouth up and down the length. Sometimes he let his lips slacken their hold, then he’d tighten them so hard he’d nearly scrape it with he teeth. Sometimes he accidentally did but Davey didn’t seem to mind. In fact, his hips would jerk with a thrust when it happened.

He quickened the pace and the suction of his movements and Davey began to meet him. Nils could taste the pre-cum and he felt Davey’s hands sink into his hair so he could steady him for face-fucking. Nils pulled off and said sternly, “Hands up. Keep them up or I won’t finish you.” He held Davey by the hips and dug his fingers into the boney hollows there so hard it would leave marks.

Davey groaned. “You bitch,” he whined and put his hands on top of his head again. Nils knew Davey was getting really close so before he took his cock into his mouth again, he wet two of his fingers in his saliva-filled mouth and pushed a fingertip against Davey’s asshole. He wriggled it insistently until he felt a give in the muscle. Then he added the second and steadily pushed inside with the aid of the makeshift lube.

It was difficult to hold Davey still once he was being both sucked and fucked and Nils decided to let him move as he liked. All he had to do was keep his fingers in Davey’s ass and not choke on what he knew was coming into his throat at any moment. He was eager for it.

Davey’s breath was ragged and his eyes closed as he rocked harder between Nils’ mouth and hand. Nils’ long, slender fingers were reaching deep inside to the spot that drove Davey crazy. He muttered Nils’ name and brought his hands down hard on his shoulders to steady himself as he began to climax in waves across Nils’ tongue.

Nils swallowed and licked and fisted his own erection. Just taking Davey’s cum like this was always enough to make him come, with a little help.

He was pulled back from the edge when he heard Davey’s soft chuckle and felt his head come down to rest on his own. Davey was bent over him and nuzzling his ear with a lazy smile. Nils lifted his chin up to meet Davey’s mouth in a slack kiss so he could taste himself.

Davey’s hands rested lightly on Nils’ shoulders. Then he gripped them hard again and threw Nils back on the bed. He immobilized him by straddling his hips and pinning his wrists against the bed again. Davey laughed at the surprise in Nils’ wide eyes.

“Turn about is fair play, my boy.” Davey felt Nils’ erection pressing into the line separating his buttocks and he teased him by sliding back and forth against it. Nils could feel the moist warmth of Davey’s asshole rubbing over his shaved pubes and thought of how his fingers had already stretched him and made him come on the inside while he sucked his cock.

Nils had been close to his own orgasm when Davey came but had stopped touching himself to enjoy Davey’s tenderness afterward. Everything that had happened since then had brought Nils near the brink again and Davey knew it.

Using leverage gained by pressing down harder on Nil’s wrists, Davey raised himself slowly so Nils’ cock was free to rise, too. It came into alignment with Davey’s entrance and he lowered himself until he had just the rock-hard head inside. He hovered above Nils who whimpered at the sensation.

“Come on, have mercy and ride me,” he pleaded.

“And what if I don’t? What if this is all you’re going to get?” Davey smirked. The strength in his thighs held him up and made it easy to stay just out of reach of Nils’ desperate thrust.

Nils looked angry and Davey laughed at him. He was so silly when he wore a pout. That mad Nils angry in earnest.

Through clenched teeth, Nils threatened, “When you let me go, I’m gonna flip you over and fuck you so hard you’re gonna bleed.”

Davey raised his eyebrows in mock surprise and just stared. Then he whispered, “Like this?” and slammed himself down on Nils. They both cried out in pleasure and pain.

Davey did it over and over and never slowed the tempo. He was half-hard again himself. Nils was groaning, cursing and straining to free his arms from Davey’s torturous grip. His eyes were screwed shut and Davey could see the pulse throbbing in his neck. Nils began to tremble.

“Look at me, Nilly.” Nils reluctantly gazed up at him. His pupils were huge.

Davey suddenly released his wrists and said, “Take me.”

Nils grabbed Davey’s hips and held his ass down tight against him as he thrust into him as hard and as deep as he could. He tossed his head back and forth. Black strands of hair clung to his cheeks damp with sweat. He screamed and Davey could feel hot cum fill him to overflowing in one powerful shot. Nils continued to weakly fuck him until he was completely spent and lay still. His eyelids fluttered and he was barely breathing.

Davey gazed down and soaked up Nils’ beauty in his state of exhausted abandon. It never failed to astonish him. He gently lifted off Nils lap and lay down on his side and pressed against him. His head rested on Nils’ thin chest and his hand covered a nipple. He listened to Nils’ heart beating just inches away and felt complete contentment. Eyes still closed, Nils turned his face towards Davey and kissed his forehead with a smile on his lips.

In the present, Nils returned to reality at the sound of Ben’s ringtone. He realized with chagrin that his pants were pushed down below his hips and his flaccid penis was just as sticky as his hand. ‘Damn, he’s on his way and I’m a mess.’

As he hurriedly washed and changed, Nils mused about Davey and their sexlife. He had to admit that for the first few months, it was the sex that brought him back to Davey time and again. He was gorgeous and the best lover he could ever want but over time it became so much more.

Davey spoiled anyone he loved. He gave nothing or everything. Nils was adored, he knew it and he couldn‘t help but adore Davey in return. All that combined with Davey’s charm, grace, passion and intelligence made him irresistible.

Whenever he thought of it, he wondered just what was the problem? Then he’d remember the bickering that grew into petty fights. Those led to silence and then Davey would pull away and shut the door on the world. Nils couldn’t reach him and before long, he didn’t want to.

He was easily distracted by all the young, pretty faces that surrounded him at parties, clubs, coffeehouses. In L.A. there were countless interests to pursue and exotic experiences to be had but eventually he would tire of it and yearn for the calming privacy of Davey’s small house on the quiet suburban street in Oakland. He‘d want to feel real again and Davey was always ready to welcome him back.

Nils stood in the parking lot and watched Ben’s car turn in. He exhaled the smoke of his last drag before grinding the butt under his toe. He wished it were that easy to extinguish his obsession with Davey. He wanted him, couldn’t have him and it hurt like hell.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=7871>


	3. Chapter 3

_ I've got a really bad disease, _

_It's got me begging_   
_On my hands and knees._   
_Take me to emergency_   
_'Cause something seems to be missin'._   
_Somebody take the pain away,_   
_It's like an ulcer bleeding in my brain._   
_So send me to the pharmacy_   
_So I can lose my memory._   
_I'm elated._   
_Medicated._   
_Lord knows I tried to find a way to run away._   
_I think they found another cure_   
_For broken hearts and feeling insecure._   
_You'd be surprised what I endure._   
_What makes you feel so self-assured?_   
_I need to find a place to hide,_   
_You never know what could be_   
_Waiting outside._   
_The accidents you could find,_   
_It's like some kind of suicide._   
_So what ails you is what impales you._   
_I feel like I've been crucified to be satisfied._   
_I'm a victim of my symptom._   
_I am my own worst enemy._   
_Know your enemy._

_Restless Heart Syndrome -_   
_Billie Joe Armstrong /Green Day_

 

As time passed Davey felt increasingly guilty about the way he’d left his last visit with Billie Joe. He decided he owed him an apology, if not an explanation, so he walked over to The Chelsea and pressed the entrance buzzer. Billie Joe sounded happy when he heard who it was. Davey was relieved.

They didn’t hug when Davey entered the apartment and they were both a bit awkward. Once they settled down with their drinks, Davey came right to the point.

“I’m sorry for my behavior, Bill. I don’t know why I reacted like that but it was wrong of me. You know it’s not about Nils - we have a fairly open relationship most of the time. We don’t ask, we don’t tell. So it was inexcusable. You came to me for support, shared your pain and your excitement and I literally turned my back on you over a joke. I should’ve been complimented, not insulted. And I am complimented that you opened your heart like that to me. I don’t want my stupidity to harm our friendship so I hope you’ll forget it.”

Billie Joe smiled indulgently. “Okay, my turn. I’m the one who should apologize. I knew why you reacted like that as soon as I heard the door slam behind you. Man, was I insensitive.”

“What do you mean?” Davey asked, feeling relieved but perplexed.

“We’ve never talked about it, never. I thought you’d put it away with all the other crazy things we did as kids but your reaction showed me you hadn’t. I never would’ve guessed otherwise. It must’ve hurt all those years to watch me with Adrienne.”

“On the contrary! I was so happy for you, “ Davey protested.

“But you couldn’t compete, right? So why try? There was something in your eyes when I told you about John. It was subtle, like you didn’t even know it was there. Your words were right but there was something else.”

Davey couldn’t look at Billie Joe as he let it sink in. Maybe he was right. Thinking aloud, he said, “It was just that you made it sound like he was the first one…”

“But he wasn’t,” Billie Joe gently replied. He put his hand on Davey’s and gave it a quick squeeze.

Davey was more affected than he thought possible. How could those embers be stirred to fire after so long? He didn’t think as he leaned to Billie Joes’s mouth and hoped he wasn’t being a fool. He closed his eyes and felt lips meeting his.

After all these years it was still soft, warm and familiar.How many had it been? Fifteen, sixteen? They broke the kiss but stayed close and gazed down at their entwined hands.

“What happened to us? Were we just too scared to go on? Afraid of what our friends would say if they found out?” Davey wondered aloud and felt the sting of regret.

Billie Joe wound his arm around Davey’s waist and pulled him back with him as they rested into the sofa. He leaned his head against Davey’s shoulder.

“I’m sure that was it mostly. Crash Darby or not, it wasn’t cool to be a faggot and a punk.” Billie Joe gave a quick laugh and then shyly said, “And I was afraid of something else…I really wanted us to go all the way but I was afraid of hurting you or getting hurt myself. Stupid, wasn’t it?”

Davey smirked. “You obviously hadn’t been practicing alone like I had. You would’ve known there was nothing to be afraid of.” He thought to himself, ‘You were my fantasy and inspiration.’

Billie Joe grinned and tousled Davey’s hair. “You always were a slut,” he said good-naturedly.

“Yeah, a virgin slut, much to my regret.”

Billie Joe’s tone became serious. “I didn’t want to be the one to ‘corrupt’ you. I was 20 and you were only 17. I know you tried to fit the scene and come off as a hard punk but…”

“I failed miserably - such a fairy!” Davey interrupted, laughing.

“No, seriously, Dave. I knew you were sensitive, easily hurt. I didn’t want to risk that.”

Davey was touched. “You really thought that much of me?”

Billie Joe nodded. They sat in silence, each lost in their own memories. Billie Joe traced the tattoos around Davey’s wrists with a fingertip. He stopped abruptly and pointed at one.

“This is new. What is…wait, I know what it is! That’s sweet!”

Davey held out his wrist and looked admiringly at the simple blue circle there - the emblem of The Germs. He smiled. “My mid-life crisis.”

“Well, it’s awesome.”

They were silent again. Davey wanted to ask Billie Joe something but didn’t want to offend him. Even as he told himself it wasn’t his business, he said, “Is that what this is? Your midlife crisis?”

He felt Billie Joe stiffen but there was no anger in his voice when he responded. “No. No, it isn’t. And if you’d really been listening, you wouldn’t ask that.”

Billie Joe leaned forward, away from Davey. “I haven’t felt pain like this since my dad died. I’m just trying to keep going, trying to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I can’t go back - I’ve burned down house and home. All I have left is the faith that it’s worth it.”

Davey pulled him back against him. He worked his fingers through Billie Joe’s black tangles. “You know being true to yourself is the only thing that really matters in the end. It’s what we committed our lives to, isn’t it?”

Billie Joe turned in Davey’s arms so they were facing. He kissed him again. It was warm and lingering before Billie Joe ended it.

Still inches away from Davey’s mouth, he said, “I need you to go now. But I want to see you again. I mean, if it’s not a problem with Nils, I want to see you more, a lot more.” Awkwardly, he continued, “Do you know what I mean?”

Davey thought his discomfiture was endearing. He chuckled, “I know what you mean. I want that, too. I‘ll call you tonight.” Then he was on his feet and out the door.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=7871>


	4. Chapter 4

They took it slow and easy. There were no fireworks when they made love for the first time. They were as discreet as possible for everyone’s sake but their closest friends knew, of course - especially the bands. Green Day would be on tour any day now and AFI would start in the Fall.

They dreaded the day Billie Joe had to face his wife and sons again. He longed to see them but there was no way to ease the pain of the final separation. And he was determined to tell Adrienne that he was romantically involved with Davey - one of their best friends - before she heard it elsewhere.

When it came down to it, she felt an unexpected sense of closure. The other shoe had finally dropped. It had never bothered her when Billie Joe pecked Tre’ on the lips or even when he tongued a fan on international television. When they were partying, sometimes she’d find him making out with some cute guy in the kitchen. It was innocent enough and he’d laugh and pull her into a hug and send the boy on his way.

They’d always have passionate, rip-your-clothes-off sex afterwards. Why didn’t she see it then?

What had haunted her instead were the glances at strangers that lasted too long, how there was a longing in his eyes when he’d see two men in intimate conversation, sharing secret smiles. It had always unsettled her and she never knew why.

If it had to be someone, Davey was the one she’d have chosen. She respected and trusted him and - maybe it was selfish - but she knew he wanted no part of their sons and that was just fine with her. Joey and Jakob had one father and that was all they needed.

Davey had heard from Nils too while he was seeing Billie Joe. He didn’t mention this new development to Nils and his conscience bothered him.

He knew he wasn’t technically betraying Nils but he felt he was lying just the same. The truth was he’d never really tested the “open arrangement” they had.

Several times he’d had the desire and opportunity to have sex with someone he’d met but he’d back out at the last minute. He’d realize it wasn’t Nils and stop. It was awkward to say the least so he finally contented himself with heavy making-out, always being sure his date understood that’s where it would end.

Nils thought Davey was distant when they did connect but he assured himself it was just the usual ebb and flow of their relationship. All Davey needed was more time and space. He knew Davey would do the same for him if he wanted it.

Nils was patient and waited for Davey to make the first move but his need finally got the best of him. One night he found himself on Davey’s tiny porch, sliding his key into the lock noiselessly. He wanted to surprise him.

Davey was passing through the living room on his way back to the bedroom, refreshments in hand. He was only wearing a towel slung low on his hips. Beads of water still glistened in his damp hair.

He stopped in his tracks when he heard the front door knob being turned. For the hundredth time he cursed himself for being too lazy to install a security system.

His hand was on the door as it opened a crack. His eye met Nils’.

Before he could utter a sound, Davey was caught up tight in Nils’ arms and his mouth was crushed against his. A voice called out from the bedroom.

“Get your sexy ass back in here. I’m ready for round two.”

Davey felt Nils go rigid and heard him gasp. He was looking over Davey’s shoulder and his wide eyes were transfixed on the attractive, diminutive man standing naked in the doorway of Davey’s bedroom. He was frozen in place and staring back at him.

Nils pushed away and dashed to his car. Davey began to follow him and then stopped, realizing he was wearing practically nothing.

“Nils! Wait, please!,” he called from the porch.

Nils was pulling away. Davey heard him calling back over his shoulder, apologizing. “Sorry! I’m sorry! Should’ve called…”

Nils drove into Berkeley aimlessly. He was too preoccupied to notice where he was going. Finally he pulled over to gather his thoughts.

He admitted to himself that he was really upset. Actually, he felt shocked and betrayed. He knew he had no right to be. Hadn’t he had more than a few one-night stands while he’d been dating Davey? He’d party hard and he’d want sex - it was that simple. There was always an attractive someone more than willing to sleep with him.

He’d believed that what Davey didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him so he never mentioned it. Those guys, that girl, meant nothing to him compared to Davey. Besides, it was understood they both had their freedom.

‘So why the hell am I freaking out?’ he questioned himself. The answer was he knew Davey hadn’t played around like he had. He just wasn’t that casual about sex, despite how he talked. And he never lost his self-control due to alcohol or just about anything else.

In other words, Billie Joe Armstrong wasn’t naked in Davey’s bedroom as a casual encounter. Just how long had they been together?

That’s what Nils really wanted to know. He had to see Adam and find out. As Davey’s best friend, Adam would surely have the details.

Nils hit Adam’s number - if he were home, he’d cross the bridge to San Francisco and talk to him right away. This wasn’t something he could bring up on the phone.

On the second ring, Nils clicked off. He realized he’d only make a fool of himself and put Adam in an awkward position. And what did it matter anyway?

He sighed with resignation, started the engine and turned the car south. He couldn’t wait to be back in L.A. where he could ease the heaviness in his heart.

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=7871>


	5. Chapter 5

Davey slowly closed the door. He leaned his head against it and closed his eyes. Although Nils had been the one apologizing, he felt it should’ve been him.

Arms slid around his waist from behind and soft hair rested against the back of his neck.

“Come back to the bedroom,” Billie Joe whispered.

“I feel terrible. I didn’t want to hurt him.”

“That’s what I want to talk to you about.” He gently tugged Davey backwards until Davey turned in his arms and followed him back into the dim bedroom.

They lay down together and Billie Joe placed his palm against Davey’s rough cheek. He looked into his eyes.

“I know how you feel…a hundred times over. That’s why I have to tell you something.” Davey nodded in encouragement.

“I’m not Nils. I can’t play that game. I’ve been in love and I‘ve loved and I know the difference. And I'm old enough to know what I want."

Billie Joe paused, afraid to push too far. He studied Davey's face before deciding to risk it.

"Look, we’re both going to be on the road for a long time. I’m not going away with things the way they are between us. Do you understand?”

Davey didn’t look away. He thought he’d dread this conversation but he was strangely flooded with relief.

Now he understood why he'd picked those petty fights with Nils. The more time Davey had spent with him, the more he'd wanted but he'd sense the growing restlessness in Nils and knew before long he'd be gone.

It was easier to distance himself rather than feel the abandonment again and again. Davey knew without a doubt he'd never feel like that with Billie Joe. They would be rock-solid.

The softness in Davey's expression gave Billie Joe the courage to issue his ultimatum. He spoke as gently as he could.

"I’m going to get dressed right now and walk away as only a friend if you can’t be honest with yourself and me about what you want. I know I’m being a bastard for forcing this on you but that’s how it is.”

Davey smiled at him with gratitude in his eyes. “No, you’re not a bastard. You have clarity.”

“That’s not an answer, Dave.”

“All right. Here’s your answer: I want you. Whether in Oakland or Osaka, you’ll be the only one. I've loved you for so long.”

They looked into each other’s eyes and their lips slowly closed the distance between them. Davey wound his hands into Billie Joe’s hair as he rolled him onto his back. Davey eased on top of him as they continued to kiss. Davey’s heart expanded.

His hands drifted overly Billie Joe’s shoulders, his chest and back up to his shoulders. He tenderly kissed down his throat and crisscrossed his nipples. Davey slowly moved his hips against Billie Joe’s and felt him hardening against him.

Davey had always found Nils’ quick response exciting but Billie Joe’s stamina made for sustained pleasure. They’d already made love that night so this time it would be languorous.

They took their time caressing, kissing, tasting each other. All that teasing just turned up the heat and when Billie Joe’s legs wrapped around his, Davey searched in the tangle of sheets and found the lube Billie Joe had used to prep him earlier.

He reached between them and slicked his cock with a generous amount. He made no attempt to enter his lover but instead settled atop him again with Billie Joe’s erection trapped between them. Billie Joe moaned and tightened his legs around Davey’s.

They moved against each other and grew impatient. Billie Joe pulled his knees up and apart and Davey’s cock lifted higher. He lazily circled the pucker a few times before steadily pushing in.

Billie Joe bucked against him so he’d slide in deep with one thrust. Davey cursed softly at the tight, hot sensation suddenly surrounding him. He wished it could last forever and refused the impulse to fuck him hard and fast. He realized this was the man he’d committed to be with for as long as he could foresee. He wanted everything to last.

A wicked whisper broke through Davey’s reverie. “Are you awake? If you’d rather sleep I can jerk myself off, you know.” Then he bit Davey’s ear hard.

Davey yelped and softly laughed. The pain sharpened all his senses and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to be overtaken by another shuddering orgasm. Billie Joe wanted him to come too and he moved his legs up high, around Davey’s waist.

Davey’s hips were free to move as he pleased. Billie Joe knew he’d have beard-burn from Davey’s unshaven cheek rubbing against his as he moved but he didn’t care. Davey panting in his ear was worth it.

Davey was getting close. Billie Joe sought out his mouth and hung on for a long kiss, their tongues entwined. His hands closed on Davey’s ass and he pressed their bodies together tightly. The rough friction against his trapped and swollen cock generated by Davey’s thrusting was all he needed. He felt the orgasm ignite at the root and spread like fire until hot liquid flowed between them.

Davey groaned at the sensation and let himself fall over the edge. He stilled himself so he could focus on the waves of intense pleasure his body rode. Even so, he was keenly aware of his lover. He’d never felt so close to anyone. As his climax receded, he placed a light kiss on Billie Joe’s temple and listened to him sigh contently in response.

Davey passed a hand over his moist forehead and smiled down at Billie Joe. He easily pulled out and began to lift off him but between sweat and cum, they were more or less glued together. There was a chorus of, “Ewww,” that dissolved in laughter.

 

************************************************************************

There were only a few days left before Green Day began touring. Davey and Billie Joe were in L.A. for their respective business and mutual pleasure. They were meeting for dinner and a long evening of clubbing.

It still amazed Davey how easy it had been to fall into a relationship with Billie Joe. There was no confusion and turmoil as there had been with Nils. It suited him.

Davey passed Priscilla’s Coffee as he walked to the restaurant. It was currently the most popular place with his friends for stimulating beverages and conversation so he naturally looked through the window as he went by.

He knew he’d see familiar faces but wouldn’t have time to stop in - he didn’t want to keep Billie Joe waiting. All the same, he was caught up short by the sheen of a straight, raven shag. He remembered how the strands felt like silk slipping through his fingers. His eyes drifted to the lovely profile he could never tire of.

Nils was talking animatedly with his best friends. Jess, Lisa and Zar were in town and they were all huddled close over their lattes. Jess threw back her head and laughed at something Nils said.

Nils had the strange sensation someone was watching him and he glanced over his shoulder. He was caught in Davey’s penetrating gaze.

Davey held his breath and waited for Nils’ reaction. He saw the minimal smile that Nils usually displayed. He always avoided showing his teeth - he was self-conscious about them, although everyone reassured him he had a heartbreaking smile when he let loose.

All Davey saw was an expression of sincere affection. It was devoid of any bitterness. The corners of Nils’ mouth turned up a bit more and then he turned back to his friends. They hadn’t even noticed his momentary distraction.

Davey heard a distinctly sexual whistle from down the street and spun around. He was angry, regardless of the target - that kind of behavior was despicable. He heard it again and realized it was directed at him!

An angry tirade was on the tip of his tongue when he spotted the source. At the end of the street, Billie Joe was grinning at him.

 

_I'm not fucking around_   
_I think I'm coming out._   
_All the deceivers and cheaters,_   
_I've think we've got a bleeder right now._

_Want you to slap me around,_   
_Want you to knock me out._   
_Well, you missed me, kissed me_   
_Now you better kick me down._

_Maybe you're the runner up_   
_But the first one to lose the race._   
_Almost only really counts in_   
_Horseshoes and hand grenades_

_I'm gonna burn it all down,_   
_I'm gonna rip it out._   
_Well, everything that you employ_   
_Was meant for me to destroy_   
_To the ground now._

_So don't you fuck me around_   
_Because I'll shoot you down._   
_I'm gonna drink, fight and fuck_   
_And pushing my luck_   
_All the time now._

_Demolition, self-destruction_   
_Want to annihilate_   
_The age-old contradiction._

_“Horseshoes and Hand Grenades”_   
_-Billie Joe Armstrong/Green Day_

 

  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.afislash.com/viewstory.php?sid=7871>


End file.
